When was the last time you felt smitten?
People who are smitten live in a different world than everyone else. The normal world includes highs and lows, work, fun, joy, chores, bills, worries – in fact, all the pleasures, pains and responsibilities of real life.
Not so when you’re smitten.
These words come to mind in describing the feeling of being smitten: intoxicated, heartful, adoring, cherishing, enthusiastic, enchanted, hopeful, erotically charged, passionate, and feelings of tenderness.
When you’re smitten, there is an easy assumption of goodwill, benefit of the doubt and an absence of malice. There is an infectious and affectionate connection between the two of you that gives each person the feeling that s/he is walking on air. That anything is possible. That all my hopes and dreams are coming true – and I feel fully and totally alive. My active – not passive – participation is required of me in this process.
There is a difference between being smitten and being in love. Being smitten is about hope and promise and enchantment. To love someone is to love his/her person which implies that you actually know the other person, are attached to him/her on multiple levels and that you have a high regard for his/her feelings, thoughts, desires and needs.
One task of being smitten – other than the experience itself – is to get to know the other person better, so that a more mature, stable, long-lasting love becomes possible.
In order to do that, you’re going to have to share your stories with each other, and you’re going to need to be an attentive and respectful listener. Consistently.
Another vital task in the smitten phase of a relationship is to bond with each other. Bonding is similar to tying hundreds (or thousands) of tiny threads together – that keeps the two of you tied together heart to heart. Things such as shared experiences, forming ties with each other’s friends and families, making future plans together (actual plans, not dreams), going through quandaries, dilemmas, life decisions and/or traumas together, etc.
The way couples migrate from being smitten to being in love requires a set of intentions to view the world as binocular rather than monocular, mutual rather than individual, interdependent rather than independent. It also involves a set of behaviors and skills, such as willful self-revealing communication, trust, good listening skills, good conflict resolution skills, benefit of doubt, fidelity, affection and endearments, to name a few.
Connecting with someone, being smitten, deepening a relationship, bonding and falling in love is not a safe process, and it absolutely requires you to risk getting badly hurt. Loving requires surrender. As threatening as that sounds, surrender is also what makes the experience magical and even life-transforming.
People grow by stretching their edges and by challenging their fears, not by being safe. We grow by risking ourselves, not by being protected or guarded. People get close to each other when they are willing to risk themselves and their hearts.
“Love is, above all, a giving of oneself.” – Jean Anouilh
Neil Rosenthal will be co-facilitating a “Singles River Canoe Adventure” the weekend of June 20-22, and a “Couples River Canoe Adventure” the weekend of Aug. 8-10. For information, call (303) 449-6598.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Boulder and Denver. His syndicated column appears in various newspapers in the United States and around the world. Call him at (303) 758-8777, or e-mail him at http://www.heartrelationships.com.
To say that celery seed tea or the liquid extract will increase your urine potential is putting it mildly. Even with today’s drug store name brands, many studies are showing that celery seed is the better choice – at times surpassing primary prescription diuretics in its effectiveness.
Celery seed works on the kidneys as a natural cleanser and detoxifier. For example, people suffering from gout have been helped by using the liquid extract of celery seed. Women who tend toward bloating before their period have found that celery seed tea or the extract reduces the pain as well as brings on delayed menses.
Bladder infections – especially when there is pain and difficulty urinating – have been remedied by celery seed tea alone or used in formula.
One excellent formula which is extremely soothing and healing is made by combining one teaspoon each of crushed celery seeds, dried marshmallow root, dried corn silk and dried buchu. Mix the herbs in a large teapot and pour four cups of boiling distilled water over them. Cover and let the herbs steep for 15-20 minutes. Strain, add honey to taste and drink four cups throughout the day.
Continue this process for up to five days. Results may not be seen until the second or third day so keep the faith. If the infection worsens or does not improve by the fifth day, discontinue use of the formula and see your doctor.
Any herb that acts directly on the kidneys, helping to eliminate acids from the system, is often an aid to arthritis as well. Uric acid buildup within the joints contributes to pain and lack of mobility. If you flood the body with plenty of water as well as herbs which act to cleanse the kidneys, you’re on the right track.
To make celery seed tea, crush one teaspoon of the seeds into a cup and pour eight ounces of boiling water over them. Cover and steep for 20 to 25 minutes. Strain, add honey to taste and enjoy.
Do not use celery seed tea if you suffer from severe kidney disease. Celery seed is a strong uterine stimulant. Thus, if you are pregnant, do not drink celery seed tea. Eating the fresh stalks in moderation is okay.
Finally, do not buy celery seeds which are used for cultivation purposes since they might be treated with fungicides. Purchase your medicinal seeds through a health food store or reputable medicinal herb catalog.
When you feel the remarkable results from celery seed, I think you’ll want to stalk up on this bladder balm.
E-mail questions to The Humorous Herbalist at writer8@sopris.net.
Laurel Dewey is extending the discount offer on autographed copies of her book “The Humorous Herbalist.” Purchase two books for $10 each (that’s $5 off the regular price) and receive a third book FREE. Send $20 plus $3 shipping and handling to The Humorous Herbalist, P.O. Box 1984, Glenwood Springs, CO 81601. Summer special deal: While supplies last, Laurel will include one copy of her 400-plus-page second book, “Plant Power,” for an additional $15 (that’s $5 off the regular price) plus $3 shipping and handling. Include names of the individuals receiving the books and Laurel will personalize the greeting.
The information in this column is not meant to take the place of your physician, nor is it intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe. Pregnant or nursing women should consult their doctor before using herbal therapy.
